10/12/2020 11:00AM EST
It’s Monday (my day off), it’s raining, I’m in bed, and I’m unsure what I want to do today. This is the same routine every week, I work Tuesday-Saturday morning, and on my time off I struggle to make use of my time. I’m 2 years shy of being 30, and all I ever see are constant reminders (television, magazines, the internet) of what I haven’t accomplished yet. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a lot in the past few years, I graduated college (after leaving school twice), I’ve gained valuable work experience, I’ve been promoted to a management position, I bought a house…I’ve done well, but I still have this feeling that I haven’t done enough, what’s worse, I feel like I’ve settled in life. This isn’t about me having a horrible life, because I don’t. I have a wonderful support system in my family and friends, a job that has given me great opportunities thus far, and a beautiful home. I know you’re judging me by this point, and you know what, I do that too. I mean, my life isn’t horrible. There’s people in this world that are dealing with injustices every day, not having clean water, not having food on their table, not having access to education, basic necessities, and/or are being plagued by violence and abuse and the list continues. I have been lucky in having been born and raised with what others haven’t.
When I talk about settling in my life, it’s less of what I have and more so on this feeling that I was meant to do more. Now that sentiment brings me to this…my life’s purpose. For years, I have conformed to this image that everyone else has of myself and that has made life easier. Knowing my parents’ expectations of me: go to school, get a job, try to move up, done. I’ve spent all of my life fitting into these pre-made molds of who I’m supposed to be, that I’ve chipped off bits of me along the way. So, where do we go from here? I have to look for those chipped off bits, I have to figure out who I am. How cliché and predictable am I, right? Well, I don’t know how long I have in this world. That’s the one thing you and I and everyone else in this world have in common – an expiration date in this world. Our days are composed of decisions that we make throughout, so if I want more meaningful days, I have to make meaningful decisions. Every day, from now until the end of the year, I will ensure that I do at least one thing that brings me pure joy. Today, I wrote.