It’s 1:54 AM on Jan. 16, 2018 and this is my first post of the year.
I would love to say that I had no moment to write, but that would be a lie. Instead I will confess that I kept telling myself that it was okay that I wasn’t writing because I had school. December rolled around and I finished finals and even graduated. Once I finished school I found myself with a lot more time on my hands, but I kept telling myself that I deserved to do absolutely nothing during my free time. I slept, went to work, came home and slept some more. Christmas and New Years passed by in an instant and next thing you know I took a little trip to Cali. That trip changed my life forever.
The reason behind the trip was my uncle. My mother’s brother was diagnosed with cancer last year, and to say that it hit our family hard would be an understatement. My mother had made time to go see him, but the holidays came around and it made things a little harder to process for her. So I decided to buy my mother a round trip ticket to go see him for at least a week, and I would join her so I could see him and also see some other family and friends we have back there.
I will never forget the first time I saw him. A frail and skinny man opened the door, and it was then that my world shifted. It is one of the most bittersweet moments of my life. I was incredibly happy to see him but at the same time I felt pain. Here I was, helpless. You just want to make it all go away and keep everyone safe from any harm. But after spending time with him, you realize that this man has lived an amazing life. A life that many would consider reckless or crazy. He has lived and continues to live with no regrets. How many of us can truly say that? Are we living or do we simply exist?
I reflect on those that constantly surround me, my family, my coworkers, my classmates. How many of them are truly living? For the past few years I haven’t been living. I have made excuses for everything. I want things that I am too afraid to ask for and work towards. I want to live a life that I will be able to look back on one day and have no regrets about. Mistakes will be made and I will love the wrong person, again. But I will learn and grow and feel alive. We can try to play it safe in this world, but our time will still come. The only certain thing in this world is death. So what will we say? Did we truly live?